Yeah, I have insecurities. So what???

Everyone has insecurities. Even the most confident people have something that they are self-conscious about. In an effort to be transparent as I said I would, and because I had a dream a few nights ago about this very insecurity of mine, it’s SHARING TIME!

In August of 2018, my voice changed. Literally one day my voice was regular, and the next day it was like I could barely speak. Initially I thought it was maybe a cold or something, but then my voice continued to change. I sounded like an 11-year-old boy going through puberty. #theworst

I eventually decided, “Hey. I should probably go to a doctor.” After seeing a neurologist and an ENT, I was told that I have a mild case of dystonia.

Dystonia is a movement disorder in which a person’s muscles contract uncontrollably. Basically, it’s like tremors. My tremors started in my hand when I was younger. I never had it checked out or anything, but anytime I would do any focused movement with my hand (ex. pouring juice in a cup), my hand would shake profusely. Apparently the hand tremors have formed into a voice tremor.

Unlike with my hand, I think it’s definitely more noticeable with my voice. A lot of times when I speak I sound choppy and parts of what I say get cut off. People often say, “I can’t hear you” or if we are on the phone or some sort of video conferencing call, “You’re breaking up a little.” Well…it’s not my phone or my Internet connection, its me.

Sometimes saying something as simple as “Hello” can be a task for me. I never really know how what I say is going to sound like until I actually say it. I try to “correct” my speech before I say what I want to say by delaying my speech, which sometimes causes a lot of tension in the forefront of my head. I often avoid saying anything at all, because it is easier for me, which sucks more.

BUT NO LONGER!!!

I will no longer let this insecurity take control!

I’m not sure what everyone else has going on and what insecurities that you may have, but remember that just because you may have insecurities it doesn’t mean they have to have you!

Me acknowledging what I have going on with me is therapeutic and helps me take control. Take control of what’s holding you back!